Friendship

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17

I’ve always enjoyed stories of romance and love. As a young girl, my nose was always buried in books about fairytale romances. Now that I’m older and married, I still enjoy a good love story, but I find myself more interested in the stories of friendship and family. I watch a lot of tv shows where the main characters have amazing friendships. They have special hang out places and always manage to find time to meet up. Married people and parents have friends they see regularly, and couples even have couple friends. While I know what I see on television is not real, I’m still left to imagine what it’s like to have friends like what I see on my screen. A fairytale friendship, so to speak.

I’ve had different friends for every season of my life: my childhood, my teenage years, my 20’s. There are a few people, that while I only see a few times a year, I still consider good friends; and there are a few others who will always hold a special place in my heart even though I may never see them in person again. I’ve made great memories with some friends and made it through difficult moments with others. I’ve also been disappointed by friends, been at odds with a few, and been ghosted once or twice. I’d say that’s a decent mix of both good and bad.  

Friendship is hard, though, especially being the shy introvert that I am. The small talk, meeting new people, and getting past the awkwardness is just not fun. It’s so much easier to stay in my bubble than to put myself out there. Now that I’ve been married for five years, I find myself slipping into my bubble of comfort more and more. I can easily convince myself that my husband is the only friend I need. The problem with that is that one person cannot be everything for us. We need other people to live more fulfilling lives (at least, I do).

I’ve realized this need for friends over and over again throughout the last few years, but that doesn’t make it any easier to seek out the friendships I so desperately need and desire. There have been times when I just felt very alone and wanted someone I could talk to (other than my husband), but at the same time, I didn’t feel comfortable enough to reach out to anyone. I will admit, though, that the experiences my husband and I have been through with his alcohol addiction have made me more apprehensive about opening up to others. I keep to myself because I fear that I’ll be pitied and that my experiences will somehow damage my character in the eyes of others. It’s a difficult road wanting this fairytale friendship but not being willing to seek people out.  

The idea of a fairytale friendship is actually a little funny to me because I know I myself don’t meet the requirements of a perfect friend. I fail others just as often as they’ve failed me. I don’t reach out, I don’t make friends a priority, and I often don’t remember to pray for them. The only conclusion I can come to with all of this is to remember the golden rule of treating others as I would like to be treated. I need to step outside of myself and start reaching out to others (being the friend I would like to have), and eventually, we might meet in our brokenness and not only will I have found a true and loyal friend but someone else will have found the same.    

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” -Luke 6:31