“To know what would have happened, child? No. Nobody is ever told that. But anyone can find out what will happen. If you go back to the others now, and wake them up; and tell that you have seen me again; and that you must all get up at once and follow me—what will happen? There is only one way of finding out.”
–Aslan in Prince Caspian
As I get to the end of my time in school (at least for a while), the question I most get asked is, “What are you doing next?” At first, the question frustrated me because it reminded me what I wanted to do next did not depend on me and my decisions, it depended on others and on whether I would be good enough to serve their purpose. For a while, everyone I encountered felt they knew what was best for me. Do this, do that, work here, live there, leave, run, go… I was constantly bombarded with options of what I should do with my life. I felt rushed to do something, to choose what to do with the rest of my life in just a single moment.
During the past few months, I have found it disheartening that so few people realize the good things in life often take time. It is as if people are afraid time will pass them by. They try to compensate for their feelings by either trying to live in the moment or trying to plan every second of their future. Those who live in the moment so often look for what will make them happy now and for what will satisfy their immediate needs; those who plan every second often seek impossible ideals. I have always felt life needed to be lived somewhere in between these two views. Life is about waiting and praying for the best. What happens after the waiting and praying is God’s will.
I am reminded of the story of Esther, when I think about waiting and praying:
“For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this? Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, “Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish.”
In the eyes of the world, Esther’s purpose in life was to be their new queen…to live happily ever after with their king. God, however, intended Esther to serve a much greater purpose. She was obedient to God and allowed His courage to be her strength. She went against the world, but did not forget to take the time to pray and prepare herself properly for what was to come. Even though it might have been easier to act impulsively so as to have less time to dwell on what she might lose, she chose to wait and do things in God’s time.
The world is a confusing place. We try to find our purpose in others and in the things of this world, and we forget to find our purpose in God. Sometimes, we lose sight of what really matters because we are too busy trying to please everyone else. We choose the easy path, instead of God’s path.
For too long, I tried to find my purpose in others, and I felt my purpose would be fulfilled when I got accepted to the right school. I thought I would finally know what I was doing with my life. Honestly, though, I was not happy with the uncertainty of this life. The only thing uncertainty brings is fear, and you cannot accomplish anything when you live in fear.
I spent so long trying to make sure the future worked out that I forgot to wait and let God take care of me. I let my heart get broken, and I let my true purpose in life remain unfulfilled. If I had taken my own advice and truly waited for God to move, then maybe my life would have turned out differently, but life is life and you can never know what would have been.
However, you can always find out what comes next; and there is only one way to find out what will happen next: that is to follow God. I am through living a life of uncertainty, for now I will live a life of patience.
“I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me ‘cause I’m still trying to figure it out. Don’t know what’s down this road, I’m just walking…and tomorrow’s just a mystery…but that’s okay…maybe I’m just a girl on a mission, but I’m ready to fly.” -A Place in this World by Taylor Swift
Originally Written and Posted: May 4, 2011 at 3:33pm